I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
