You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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