If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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