There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
