OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
