Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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