Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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