I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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