Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
