my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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