I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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