I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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