my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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