Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
