i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
