Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
