It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
