The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
