Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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