Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
