you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
