someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
