Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
