last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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