By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
