discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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