yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
