you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
