My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
