just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
