Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and she was petting her beer can
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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