I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
