New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Someone came in the potted fern
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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