I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
