He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
