I am spending my child support on dildos
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
