Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
