my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
