don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
