Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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