Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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