you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Randomize
