I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
