i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
