Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
