he thought i was a dude.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
