I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's the barista slut.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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