you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
