what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
