I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
